Tuesday, December 20, 2005

i believe in both, and i'm fine

Intelligent design.

Are you finished with your initial gut reaction to that phrase? You are? Then we may continue.

The goings on with intelligent design have taken a back seat to the headache that is the "War On Christmas," but decisions are still being made about whether or not to tack intelligent design into a science curriculum. I'm sure you're dying to know what I think.

Intelligent design, on it's own, isn't so poor an idea. I believe in my heart of hearts that this world and everything in it was created by God. And I think the way God went about it reflects something that would quite aptly bare the title "intelligent design." I'd even venture that it probably takes more faith to think that everything that is was created by a random stroke than some higher being's doing. In my case, I believe that being to be God. The God that the Bible talks about, not the god that Pat Robertson talks about.

Here's the thing, though. Intelligent design is not science. It's not even close to science. It doesn't belong hand-in-hand with evolution. Science is our way of understanding how the things God put here work. That God put them here doesn't figure far into that understanding. Does this make sense?

For the record, I believe that evolution was part of God's intelligent design. I don't think this puts me at odds with my faith or with the Bible. The stories in Genesis were passed along as people of faith tried to define to themselves who God is. They hadn't studied the Earth. They didn't know how long it had been around.

So now, a proposal.

If we're supposed to teach intelligent design(re: creationism) along with evolution in a science class, knowing full well that intelligent design is not at all science, then there must be balance.

I propose that evolution be taught along side Genesis in Old Testament classes. After all, it would be a shame if only one side of the story were told.

UPDATE: At least one school district, located in PA is exempt from teaching evolution with their religion.

Monday, December 19, 2005

return of the king

The second half. Offenses are struggling. Your team needs a boost. You take the field to the delight of the faithful who have come to see their team. You complete a 22-yard pass. Down at the end zone, you throw an interception on 3rd and goal. It's okay though, because the guy who picked you off fumbled to ball back to your team on the goal line for an easy 6 points on the next play. That doesn't happen for just anybody, but it happened for you. Your name is Rex Grossman.

Rex means King.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

this couldn't even wait until december?

I have something important that I need to say to some of my fellow Christians.

Christmas is not under attack. The Baby Jesus is just fine. Please shut up. It's not even December 1st yet and I have to hear sound bites of Bill O'Reilly talking about how the liberals and the "secular media" (Is there a religious media? I mean other than the 700 Club...ewww) is trying to take down Christmas. And you know what? When I thought it was O'Reilly just being O'Reilly and wanting to talk about anything other than approval ratings and the disaster in Iraq, I didn't care.

It's found its way into my local newpapers and now I'm in serious danger of rolling my eyes right out of my head. Are we really going to fight over whether or call it a Christmas Tree or a Holiday Tree? Are we going to whine over manger scenes being taken down in public buildings? Why?

I've listened to people lament the loss of prayer in school(we had no school-wide prayer, but I managed to pray just fine when the spirit moved me) and blast the idea of removing "under God" from the pledge of allegiance(which is fine with me because pledging my allegiance to an inanimate object always seemed a teensy bit like idolatry anyway...noodle that one over for a second) for too long. Now we get "Chirstmas is under attack" to add to the list of things that make the Christian faith seem more a collection of idiots than a people of faith. Because of the renaming of a tree? Because there's a big, glowing snowman instead of a big, glowing star?

Folks, the reason people aren't turning to Jesus is not because they've never heard of him. It's more likely because they don't want to be associated with people who think the removal of a Ten Commandments statue is a sign that satan is taking a stranglehold on these here United States.

Now. Let me talk to the person that is actually offended by a Baby Jesus in front of a Courthouse. To that group of folks that feel as though they need to crusade against lawn decorations. To those who give ammo to whack-job Christians that aren't happy unless they feel they're being persecuted. You. Aren't. Any. Better. Hearing Silent Night at your local high school's winter concert is no more forcing Christianity down your throats than watching their Spring production of Grease is forcing Scientology down your throat. A Christmas tree with a wise man ornament in front of a government building is not an attempt to marry church to state. It's a decoration. Lighten up.

And here's my real problem. I don't know whose side to take in the "War on Christmas" because both sides are full of idiots who are either too easily offended or trying to make a point that doesn't need to be made by either side. So I am not going to boycot a store that wishes me a Happy Holidays instead of a Merry Christmas. But I am also not going to boycot a store that's playing Hark! The Herald Angels Sing over their PA system, either.

Merry Christmas.

Wednesday, November 9, 2005

this makes my cereal taste bad

I watch Sportscenter with my breakfast. On a good day, I see some kind of ultra-amazing play and then try to explain to Andi why I think that Dwayne Wade's spinning reverse layup was so freaking awesome.

On a bad day, I get fake baseball GM press conferences. The fine folks at deadspin.com(which is worth checking out at least twice daily) hit the majority of my objections to this nonsense in the linked article and an earlier entry. But I do have a few extra gripes of my own.

They spend the first half of each Sportscenter hyping the thing as if it's a real news conference, complete with reporters sitting around and waiting. Lame.

NHL games have their highlight reels cut down to that one goal a guy scored so there's room in the broadcast for this nonsense. Very lame.

I don't want to hear about baseball until something notable happens. These conferences aren't about something notable happening. They're not even about predicting anything notable will happen. In the meantime, there's sports actually happening. NHL, NBA, NFL(although another story about the ongoing T.O. saga may cause me to choke on my Crispy Hexagons in disgust) are all in season. In the meantime, Sportscenter is giving fake news conferences that offer absolutely no new information or insight into a sport that's in it's offseason. Hyper-lame.

I don't think even baseball fans want to see this. Maybe there were two or three people that got into the Yankees' fake press conference. Possibly, there was one guy who was bored enough to find the Red Sox conference worth watching. But, honestly, by the time you get to the Brewers' conference you may have a popular revolt on your hands. So stop it. Stop it now.

Friday, October 21, 2005

why not me?

When I was last in DC, I joked that I should hang out wearing a robe in order to lobby my way onto the Supreme Court. This was before Harriet Miers. Now I am no longer joking. Let's take a look at how I am equally qualified(or, in some cases, moreso) to be a Justice of the Supreme Court.

1. Neither Harriet nor I can legally practice law. I never cared to and Harriet let her licenses(yes, plural) expire.

2. I have been known to write at a level between A+ and B. Harriet writes at a D-.

3. Harriet has never been a judge before. One summer I was selected to be a judge for The Freaky Tiki's Booty Contest. The court ruled 4-1 in favor of a lovely and enthusiastic young lady with a perfectly delightful tushie.

4. Harriet has been said to be rewarded for loyalty. You want loyalty? I've been a Chicago Bears fan since I was 6 years old in spite of years of sub-par football and the addition of a "home team" to North Carolina.

5. Harriet was elected as the first woman president of Locke, Purnell, Rain & Harrell. I was elected the first Jr. president of the Southern High School Classical Society.

6. Harriet was selected as the first woman to become president of the Dallas Bar Association. I was the first North Carolinian to win the seat of president in a Dallas Bar while playing a popular drinking game.

7. Harriet wrote some love letters to George. I am not an attempted homewrecker.

So there you have it folks. Write your congressman and tell him to write your president to tell him that when this nomination crashes and burns, Ben Moser should be the next name on his list. My opinion on Roe v. Wade shall, until then, remain a closely guarded secret.

Thursday, September 8, 2005

5th set tiebreaks are stupid

As soon as I shut down the computer, the match completely reversed itself. Now, Andi is asleep and I'm watching a tiebreak to determine this match.

I love tennis.

I am watching something really special happen here.

Agassi wins. Helluva story for him.

We haven't heard the last of James Blake, though.

Really. I love tennis.

blake v. agassi

I'm watching this with my girlfriend.

I need to not watch sports with my girlfriend.

Something incredible is happening here. Blake is seriously bringing it(I mean taking huge swings at almost everything), and Agassi seems barely there. I was hoping for a great tennis match. This is just fascinating. Agassi let set point go by him without swinging at it. Really weird. In the meantime, I'm starting to feel bad for pulling for Blake. If I really even am.

Andi calls games M&M's. I wonder what she'll call touchdowns come Sunday.

Saturday, September 3, 2005


New Orleans. What do I think?

I think it's horrible. I think it's horrible that people couldn't affort to evacuate. I think it's horrible that there are people who have no idea what happened to their family. I think it's horrible that the help for those people has been so inadequate. I think it's horrible that an idiot with a gun can slow things down. I think it's horrible that it took days for our president to recognize a problem that he helped cause (Jennings has helpful links for those who are confused). I think it's horrible that there are "shoot to kill" orders for people trying to get basic living supplies. I think it's horrible that only now are some people understanding that there even is a lower class of real human beings. I think it's horrible that countless people have no chance of getting back even a fraction of what they lost. I think it's horrible that all the human misery has led to violence.

Mostly, though, I think it's horrible that last night I sat in my air conditioned house after eating a good meal with a bottle of water while watching television and shaking my head at how horrible things are.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

plan ahead

When the Mascot Hall of Fame reaches about 10 inductees, I'm going on a road trip. Seriously, this is the best idea sport has produced since The Super Bowl Shuffle.

Monday, July 25, 2005

we got it all at acs

ACS is over. I was in bed today until 1, and I'm still pretty tired. But a good kind of tired. A very good kind of tired.

It's amazing to see God at work so obviously as He was this week; not just in the lives of those kids, but in mine as well. I'm more certain about the things I need to do with myself, and don't think that the setting I was in when I became that way was a coincidence.

Anyway, some other highlights:

- Taylor, Breezy, and Epiphany. I don't know that I've ever been more proud of three people in such unique ways. Taylor for his leadership, Breezy for her hard work, and Epiphany for living up to every bit of potential I saw in her a year ago.

- Jimmy, David, Justin, Ryan, and Zack. These are my brothers. Zack actually is my brother, but you know what I mean. Any chance I have to spend a week with these guys is worth all the missed improv in the world.

- Tuesday night, the results of. Our speaker was Timothy Tyson, author of Blood Done Sign My Name. During his talk, he hit on some of his thoughts about, among other things, the war in Iraq and homosexuality. The subjects themselves and the fact that Tim clearly didn't expect anyone in a gathering of youth to disagree with his points quickly divided the kids, and resulted in some - let's call it "spirited" - dialogue during the Q&A portion of the evening. But these kids rebounded from it and, I think, developed an appreciation for hearing different opinions than theirs. Both sides. Those kids never cease to amaze me.

- I started looking for Julie's approval when she staffed Breakaway while I was in middle school. I don't know that I'll ever stop. And it's always one of the better feelings in the world to actually get it.

Pictures coming soon...

Thursday, July 14, 2005

rest easy

Wow, I'm glad that's (almost) settled. I have mixed feelings about how hockey should be welcomed back. Most of me want to take the open arms "glad you're back I missed you so much I can kiss you" approach to the return of hockey.

The outraged fan and my wallet want to boycott for a while.

But let's face it, I need hockey. Without it, I paid serious attention to the NBA this season. This cannot be repeated.

So welcome back hockey!

Tuesday, April 12, 2005


Ah, Kaleidoscope. My last year as a jr. high youth, this event was called Jr. High Jamboree. My first year as a jr. high youth, this event was called Jr. High Weekend.

As a staff member, the event is more fun than it ever was when I was a youth. I love staffing these things. What really got me was all the people who were important parts of my youth that were around. I got to cut up with the very people who had inspired me to be there. Timm Hackett was the big one though. He and Heath Gilbert were the two staffers who, when I was a youth, started making what I believed make sense. So getting to cut up in the back with him, Ramey Kemp (another longtime favorite staff member from my youth), Bret Farmer, Zack, and Justing Langston was a huge blessing.

I would be a jerk not to mention how much some encouraging words from Tom Pritchard meant to me as well. Tom doesn't read this. But I want to thank him in an interweb setting anyway.

It's nice to have weekends like this and weeks lke Global Vision earlier coming on the heels of some serious dissatisfaction with the Church. It's nice to be reminded of all the reasons to keep the faith.

By the way, it's a little late but congratulations are in order for another longime favorite from my days as a youth, Leonard Fairley.

Thursday, April 7, 2005

i me mine

Well. Kobe got the team he wanted. He got rid of the people who were keeping him from being a star. This was his team, and he was going to show the world. So how did his season end?

With Bryant "resting an injury" rather than leading his team as the Lakers were eliminated from the playoffs officially.

In the meantime, Shaq and some kid named Wade (no, not Wade) are headlining the best team in the East. Wade and the Heat got the job done with the big fella on the sideline himself, for the record...if you didn't read the link.

Kobe now has some free time to watch those all-important early major league baseball games.

When does football start?

i me mine

Well. Kobe got the team he wanted. He got rid of the people who were keeping him from being a star. This was his team, and he was going to show the world. So how did his season end?

With Bryant "resting an injury" rather than leading his team as the Lakers were officially.

In the meantime, Shaq and some kid named Wade (no, not Wade) are headlining the best team in the East. Wade and the Heat got the job done with the big fella on the sideline himself, for the record...if you didn't read the link.

Kobe now has some free time to watch those all-important early major league baseball games.

When does football start?

Tuesday, April 5, 2005

it looks pretty

Andi got some new kind of makeup/bronzer thingy. She asked me how it looked and then told me what to say so that I wouldn't screw it up. See why I love her?

Friday, April 1, 2005


My father tells me that my great grandmother's favorite word in the English language was "horseshit." Dogshit sounds funnier, I always thought, but I may never laugh when I hear it again. So Grandnanny, I shall never mock your choice of swears again.

I kenneled the puppy. I kenneled him good. They know how to take care of him there. They will do all the things that I either couldn't do or didn't know to do. As a result, the puppy will probably poop when he's taken out to poop and not in the middle of the night. Either way, I know for sure that the poop will not have to be cleaned up by me.

It's been a learning experience. I learned that the reason I loved my dogs so much is that they were lazy, lazy dogs that only wanted to play on a once-a-day basis (if that much).

Thursday, March 31, 2005

not that smart

I have made a series of stupid moves in my life. Here are the two currently working together to make me lose my mind.

1) I have agreed to puppy-sit for a dog that wants my constant attention...even when I want to sleep, apply for jobs, or even watch some tv. I'm exhausted and frustrated as a result.

2) I quit a job having only the faintest notion of a b-plan which has already been written off. Sure, I quit so that I could be closer to the things I want to do and the people I love...but if I don't find a job sooner than later I'll be in sunny Jacksonville, NC. For those of you new to the state, that's considerably farther away from these things than Benson is.

I'm miserable. Right at this moment, I am in total misery. Out of sheer frustration, I've locked the poor dog in his pen (he hates that...a lot) and screamed to the point that the guys building the house behind mine stopped working for a minute to wonder what that sound was.

I'm stuck in a house with bad plumbing in a town I don't like with a dog that doesn't care that I need a job while trying to make a computer do something I don't know how to make it do just to toss my name into consideration for a job that I may or may not be what I'm looking for.

Every bit of it is my fault. You see as brilliant as I am, sometimes I ain't that smart.

Comment left on Down on Paper III:

Amos says: if it makes you feel any better, i dreamt you broke your leg in a horrible compound fashion in an above ground subway accident as we were en route to some sort of tropical, or del-monte-ish resort.

run-on sentences make everything better.

give us a call sometime.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005


So I'm back from Global Vision. Times were good. We learned much. I had a great time in New York not worrying about things. I even enjoyed a trip to the Met(hear that, Drowatzky?) with a few of my new favorite conference youth.

As I was having so much fun, I kept wondering if maybe I was wrong to leave Benson. I miss my kids. I miss the simultaneous ego boost and ego check that comes with working with teenagers.

In the past week I got to see a group of kids get some real problems with the world and the church thrown at them. And the looks of 90% (give or take, it's not an exact science...well, it is, but not for me) of those faces said "I'm not going to let things keep being this way." It's amazing. They're amazing. I'm amazed.

Monday, March 14, 2005

i am returned

Joined the new, still unnamed house team officially tonight. Much fun. Dave is going to be a great coach and the new folks were also fun. It was also fun to be improvising with some old favorites again. I'm excited about doing improv again and even moreso now that I've played with the team a little.

I am going to have to miss next week while in New York staffing Global Vision. That sucks. But being at global vision will be cool.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

les robinson remembered

Thursday. ACC Tourney. Blogging. Clemson has defeated Maryland, which helps or hurts state depending on which of the people in Andi's living room you ask. State is up on Florida State 33-19. When the second half starts, I'll be blogging about the experience of watching basketball with Zack Moser, little brother to the stars. I'll be using ESPN.com's own Sports Guy's live events system. Enjoy...

3:46 - Drinks have been opened. Game has started. Zack has found a copy of Vanity Fair and is parusing it.

3:48 - Billy Packer decides to tell us about the significance of the number 19. Ugh.

3:52 - Cam Bennerman plays soccer.

3:53 - Zack: Hodge to Evtimov always works.

3:54 - 45-23. Zack and I start to worry about how we might choke this one away. More than half our points have come from behind the arc.

3:58 - How does Evtimov have 5 3-pointers and then miss two free throws? Amazing.

4:02 - Brackman checks into the game. Why has this guy not had more PT this season? Seriously, he comes in against Carolina and score 8 points in a row, officially making him the only player on our team who seems up to playing basketball. Herb pulls him out of the game and we don't see him again. Explain this to me.

4:05 - Zack: We don't play well. We're kicking their ass and they're still pissing me off.

4:06 - Tell me why, when you're up by 20, you're shooting a 3 point shot with 31 seconds left on the shot clock?

4:09 - NC State gets a shout out from Iraq.

4:10 - Zack: Did we just foul them!?!? You don't fffff-!

4:11 - Zack finds a second Vanity Fair. It seems Quintin Taraentino once played an Elvis impersonator on an episode of The Golden Girls.

4:15 - Stop calling Atsur "Turkish Delight." I'm not asking. I'm telling.

4:17 - Julius Hodge still rules. Understand this.

4:18 - Nevermind, he missed the free throw.

4:19 - Zack makes his official millionth complaint about Atsur.

- Air ball three pointer from Evtimov. 30 seconds on the shot clock. I want to kill someone.

4:21 - "Bears finish season undefeated" is uttered on TV. It's a commercial. I weep inside.

4:25 - The annoucers declare that the game is over. State's up 54-35. Zack and I both groan at what this probably means. The last loss to Wake Forest is brought up for the 300th time this game.

4:27 - The annoucers comment about Florida State starting a comeback. Zack suggests Herb actually coach the team or something. Keep dreaming, Zack. He then goes on to comment about how crappy the pep band sounds without him.

4:28 - Hodge is hurt. I want to throw up.

4:30 - Hodge wants back in. Florida State is back in. 54-43.

4:32 - For some reason, our commentators want State's starters to come out. While still talking about Florida State coming back. Retards. In the meantime, Evitmov misses more free throws.

4:33 - Duke, Carolina, and Wake are each in the top five. People wonder why we have an inferiority complex at State.

4:39 - Florida State has come within 8 points. Herb doesn't want a time-out. He must be wanting to save them for when things get really bad.

4:44 - Billy Packer declares for the second time that the game is over. Zack: "Dammit!"

4:46 - Atsur announced as "player of the game." Zack is speechless.

4:47 - Game over. State wins. 70-54. Zack: This was the most nerve-racking 16-point victory ever.