keep 'em on a leash

We've been having a problem with mascots, of late. There has been an aggressiveness in them that, while still adorable and full of team spirit, may end up endangering the lives of others. By now, we've all seen this:



And this is overtly dirty assault still fresh on our memories from only a week ago(give or take, I have no concept of time anymore):



Now I'm sure you'll tell me that the second guy had it coming. And I'm sure you'll tell me that it's not our place to end mascot-on-mascot violence. The problem is, it was all started by the non-mascot community. I'm not just talking about how they learned it from watching us(they did...mascot see, mascot do). I'm talking about a real, live, flesh and blood human being sewed the seeds of this mascot discontent a while back.

Remember the Harvey the Hound Incident? What seemed like an innocuous mauling of a beloved mascot was but a step down the path to rogue mascottery.

That's merely an example. The fact is that Mascot abuse has had a long and storied history in our culture, and only now are we beginning to see the results of the way we've treated those who would use their animal features to keep us entertained during breaks in game time action.

So when you attend a sporting event in the future and a seemingly cheerful(they always smile, even when the teams they represent are down by a million points) animal, colonial, devil, or whatever begins to pummel you remember that it's not random violence; it's comeuppance.

(by the way, is it sour grapes to point out that the Clemson Tigers' mascot does the wussiest push-ups I've ever seen...including mine?")