it may come as a shock to you, but i hate the 24-hour news cycle

As a proud liberal/progressive/fascistcommiewhosupportscrazysocialistthingslikepeoplebeinghealthy, it's always easy for me to say that the discourse in this country is full of crap and then point to Fox News as an example. But really, they aren't the only ones. This was actually on TV:



CNN, a news network, was fact-checking Saturday Night Live, a comedy show. I find it odd they they take the time to bring in non-partisan fact-checkers when a comedy show runs with what an emerging perception of the President is, but go ahead and just rebroadcast and debate talking points like "death panels" as if they were somehow valid.

I get that CNN has 24 hours to fill. I get that they're being spanked by more sensationalist and less news-oriented competitors. So they want to jazz it up a little bit. I even understand that what's happening with the political sketches on SNL is usually a pretty good indicator of what's resonating with the American people. I'll even support a little analysis in the 24-hour period about what those sketches may mean in terms of where public opinion is. CNN is still in the business of attracting viewers.

Still, I'd rather you interview a fact checker when an elected official makes a baseless claim about what health care reform is and then let Screamy McOpinion and Yelly McViewpoint go after each other about whether or not the cold opening on SNL is indicative of the actual job President Obama is doing.

When you do it this way around though, you're holding comedy shows to a higher standard of truthfulness than you are Congresspeople or even your own reporters. I stopped wondering why the American people seemed so ill-informed a long time ago.

i'm just sayin'...the dark knight was better

I saw Watchmen yesterday, and I'll be short about it. It was as good and as faithful an adaptation as a fan of the original story could possibly hope for. For those of you out there, who think that Alan Moore should justifiably be shaking his many-ringed fists in the air and screaming drug-addled obscenities to the heavens, I have two examples of how it could have been worse. Hilarious examples:


"Will you sign my copy of Watchmen Babies?"

Or, instead of a pretty faithful feature-length film, it could have been optioned into the kind of toy-pimping cartoon I grew up watching.



In short, it was enjoyable and carried a pretty fair amount of the themes and events from the comic. Oh, and it had blue wangs all over it. Lots of blue wangs.

UPDATE: Slate has a few other ways this thing could have ended up mangled, depending on which directors could have gotten the job. The Judd Apatow one is dead on and hilarious.

be careful what you wish for, you just might get larry the cable guy

Last time Comedy Central did a roast, we got the hilarious roasting of Bob Saget. Previously, they'd taken to showing embarrassing broadcasts where some of the meanest comedians out there took pot shots at easy targets like Flavor Flav and Pam Anderson. They weren't fun, and were only funny in an uncomfortable sort of way. The Bob Saget roast, on the other hand, was clearly a bunch of people who clearly cared about the guy making fun of him in a way that showed it. Don't get me wrong, there was plenty of stuff that was over the line, but the spirit behind it wasn't so - and I hate to sound like an 8-year-old - mean.

So anyone who listened would hear from me that Comedy Central needed to follow the Bob Saget roast pattern again. Find a comedian that had a lot of friends who also happened to be funny and let them go after each other in a good-natured, but still no holds barred, roast.

Unfortunately, I'll bet Larry the Cable Guy fits that mold. They'll bring in Foxworthy and the rest of the Blue Collar crew, and I'm sure they think the world of each other...but c'mon. Next time, I'll be more specific in my requests to Comedy Central.

there were a lot of crotch punches

I'm going to be honest. Putting together a second run of the SUPER SPARKLE SHOWCASE is pretty scary. Trying to root through the first season and repeat what worked, cast off what didn't work, and find a few new twists while relying on a new cast of contestants leaves me nervous.*

Last night - in the midst of trying to find what will work for my character to separate him from an American Idol** judge, worrying that all of our contestants this time came from inside the Worx, and hoping that the audience we built will continue to follow the show this time around - we got together to do a photo shoot to get some publicity for the show running.

You know what? I had a blast. It's kind of nice to stop worrying about the how the show will go and remember why we do the things we do in that building. To put together something entertaining while getting to goof off with our friends? That's what it's all about.

* JMatt, the brains and major force behind the SHOWCASE, is likely somewhere so far beyond nervous that he wet himself laughing at how nervous I am for this show.

** Go Anoop! No, seriously, I'm kind of on the bandwagon this time around.

nothing is more american than jamming a pencil under somone's finger nails

As far as I'm concerned, the politics of 24 have never really gone down smooth. I always tune in for the over-the-top badassery and things that blow up, but there's always been this creepy little undertone to each season. Last season's lesson was that if you hit enough brown people, eventually one of them will be a terrorist. This year, after having seen roughly 45 minutes of the season, I can already tell that this is going to be a great big love-in for the virtues of torture.

The "do whatever it takes to keep people safe" message, delivered from a heroic Jack Bower to a smug Senate that wants him to know the US doesn't torture, has already been echoed three times either directly or indirectly. It's clear what they're driving at, and it's making my stomach a little queezy. Then again, it's on FOX.

Really and truly, it's the return of Tony Almeida that has me intrigued enough to keep going...but if that payoff isn't huge, I may finally be done with 24.

scott says i've learned the #1 rule of the internet

Yesterday, I sat down to do my part to keep How RDU Doin'? rolling into a powerhouse local blog. I went through the reader, and picked up on a story about The Biggest Loser finale and how it contained a Raleigh couple. The last time someone from Raleigh hit it big on a huge prime time reality contest thingamabobber, it was that Clay Aiken kid.

So I wrote a post pleading with Raleigh to support these folks the way they did good ol' Clay. It wasn't my best work, but I thought it was a funny enough bit. Andi and I went to have a nice dinner at one of Durham's fine eateries and watch Slumdog Millionaire (totally worth your time, by the way), and I forgot I'd written that post entirely.

When we came home, I checked my special How RDU Doin'? email because I'm desperately behind schedule on what was going to be a brilliant feature and want to get started as soon as I get certain confirmations (ooh, mysterious!). I saw that there had been a comment on something I posted. "Oh good, we're getting comments." I took a closer look and saw that it had drawn more than the usual amount of comments.

It seems that the Claymate nation takes serious exception to the implication that Clay rose to fame on a karaoke-style game show. Serious exception. The Claymates showed up to tear me a new one in the comments section by pointing out that Clay is not reduced to blogging, but rather has achieved success as a huge Broadway star (did you know he was in Spamalot?).

I've often been told that you're not doing anything right on the internet until you get hate mail. Clearly this is another banner day for our fledgling blog.

Lesson learned.

sean avery: putting the "k" in klassy

So we all know that Sean Avery is a grade a d-bag. But that doesn't stop him from going out of his way to prove it on a regular basis. This time, though, it's earned him a suspension. Not from the Dallas Stars, but the NHL. Here's what landed him in the trouble:

Reporters were waiting to speak with Avery about disparaging remarks he'd made last month about Flames star Jarome Iginla when Avery walked over to the group and asked if there was a camera present. When told there was, he said, "I'm just going to say one thing."

"I'm really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada," the Ontario native said. "I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about, but enjoy the game tonight." He then walked out of the locker room.

Defenders of Avery and people who just want to take a few shots at the NHL for overreacting will say that this was just some poor gamesmanship, just an attempt to get into the head of Calgary's Dion Phaneuf. Phaneuf is dating Elisha Cuthbert, known unanimously here at Big American Party as the girl who played the character stupid enough to step into a bear trap in 24's second season.

There is more to it than that. "Sloppy seconds" is an intensely graphic term that boiled the women he was referring to down to, well, an intensely graphic image. I'm wondering if the usually up-in-arms sports media will call this out as an incident of not just an NHL player, but one of the few names and faces casual fans can identify, using a derogatory remark about women or if this will simply be acknowledged as the straw that broke the camel's back, on par with things like yelling back at an abusive fan. My fear is that it will be the latter.

Particularly disturbing is that he didn't just drop it as an offhand remark in the middle of questioning. Rather he had thought through, probably rehearsed, and checked to see that the cameras were rolling for this charming little soundbite (to be repeated on Jim Rome's radio show thrice daily for the next six months).

Maybe a mere suspension is too good for this guy.

what the world needs now is axl rose

Hell hasn't frozen over yet, but the forecast is pointing towards it. It looks like what's left of Guns N' Roses has set a real live release date for "Chinese Democracy." There were those of us who thought that Axl's paranoia, perfectionism, fights with fashion designers, and rotating band members would never actually reach the point where Axl was comfortable releasing an album. Honestly, I won't really believe it until the Best Buys of America are full of people climbing over each other to get to the display and bask in the Slashless goodness.

at long last, the moderate amount of apology i feel i'm due

In an interview with GQ, Aaron Sorkin says some things that need to be said. The article can be found here, but I'm going to repost all the good bits because I think there's a lot of good stuff here and you shouldn't have to click away from the splendor of a blogspot template.

Sports Night ran for just two years. I gotta say, It always seemed like a weird fit for ABC.
Yeah. Sports Night was on right between The Drew Carey Show and Spin City. ABC would tell me, “You’re losing 20 percent of Drew Carey’s audience.” I would tell them, “I don’t think so. I think I’m losing 100 percent of Drew Carey’s audience.”

Kapow! Take that, people who think Ryan Stiles is funny! Sports Night may very well be the greatest TV show ever. Also, it's probably the only show I ever truly got angry about the premature cancellation of.

[Barack Obama] is a man who—the Jeremiah Wright of it all aside—was clearly paying attention in church. I don’t need to tell you that I’m a big fan of oratory. A big part of leadership is the goose-bump experience. We’ve been missing that.

You mean hearing an overwhelmed man-child trip over his words doesn't inspire awe? Didn't Sorkin get the memo that leaders that inspire us have been replaced by leaders we'd want to have a beer with? I mean, that talking point is almost 5 years old!

Why didn’t Studio 60 work?
I made too many mistakes. I would give anything to go back and get another bite of that apple. Basically, to use a sports analogy, you can have the best team in football playing the worst team in football. But if the best team in football throws four interceptions, they’re not going to win.

That sounds a little arrogant.
I’m helped by a staff of people who have great ideas, but the scripts aren’t written by committee. I was too angry when I wrote Studio 60. The show became like the cover of Abbey Road. Everybody was trying to figure out who this character was in real life or what that incident was trying to be. But the anger—it was a post-9/11 anger. We were going through a time when the television networks were so sensitive toward appearing patriotic. And patriotism was just being questioned all over the place. It just seemed like the wheels had come off our national culture.

Do you feel guilty about Studio 60’s failure?
I felt like I had let so many people down—from Warner Bros. and NBC to the cast and crew. You live and die with these things. It is a feeling that you can’t look these people in the eye anymore. Someone like Matt Perry.

It’s tough to feel bad for Matthew Perry.
Exactly. Yet you do.

He nailed part of it. It's not that when something is upsetting Sorkin, he's traditionally subtle about it in his scripts or anything. It's just that -and he recognizes this- that he was especially ham-fisted with Studio 60.

The rest of it, which he only kind of alludes to with his "Abbey Road" comment, is that the awkward reenactment of his relationship with Kristin Chenoweth played out horribly and did more to cripple the show than anything else.

Sometimes I wonder how I managed to make it through the entire series. It's firmly behind us now, though, thanks to this (sort of) apology. Now let's get to making the next Sports Night, Aaron. I would appreciate it greatly.

i just watched pro wrestling from a luxury suite...and found hope

The JMatt, courtesy of his employer, scored some free tickets to the fancy pants section of the RBC Center for tonight's taping of Monday Night RAW. Stay with me, though, because here's what I found interesting.

Before the show, the WWE ran a "famous people who have been on our show" video package that included the embarrassing appearances from earlier this year of presidential hopefuls John McCain and Barak Obama. McCain scored zero reaction, but the crowd popped pretty large for pre-taped Obama(it was even a better pop than video packages of rasslin' fan favorite John Cena and hometown favorite Jeff Hardy).

If the rasslin crowd is ignoring McCain and popping for Obama in this state, maybe North Carolina really is poised to go blue in November. Wouldn't that be great?

How is The Daily Show the only place where I can see an interview like this?

This is fantastic. Just fantastic. This sort of interview deserves a better spot than the same interview segment in a late-night comedy show that Adam Sandler used to promote You Don't Mess With the Zohan.

I'll let Comedy Central's description and then the actual footage take it from here...

CBS News Chief Foreign Correspondent Lara Logan feels responsible for Americans not understanding what's going on in Iraq and Afghanistan.

For emphasis, the opinion on American journalism from someone who has dedicated her life to news:

If I had to watch the news that you're hearing in the United States, I'd just blow my brains out because it'd drive me nuts.

the "ch-ch-ch ah-ah-ah" part is scarier than the high-pitched strings

Once in a while, a movie comes out that I have no chance of interesting Andi in the possibility of watching with me. This is when I call up the boys and declare it's time for a mandate(or bromance, if you prefer). This afternoon, I hit up The Strangers with Mayo, Derek Gregopher, and Tommy. Laul Peeland, noted mandater(or bromancer, if you prefer) wussed out at literally the last minute. The final verdict? It's a really scary movie right up to a point.

All of the scary in this movie comes not from the fact that people in masks are looking to kill our heroes, but from the fact that they want to mess with them first. I'm not talking about elaborate death traps like you see in the Saw movies, and I'm certainly not talking about the "aha, I've got you - now let's drill a hole in you somewhere" that "torture porn" in the vein of Hostel delivers. No sir. Those movies aren't scary.

It's the little things. The silent stalking, the knocking on the door, and the fact that the only hint of motivation you ever get from the masked trio is the freaky "Because you were home" line from the trailer. Telling the audience virtually nothing, keeping us just as in the dark as the prey we're seeing as they're stalked -- that keeps you on the edge of your seat. I'm frustrated by recent horror flicks (or recently, offending remakes) giving away too much backstory and therefore motivaton for the bad guys with sharp objects, essentially rendering them bad characters in a movie rather than a horrifying force that you want the protagonists to get away from now. Still, I think I've finally determined a more important factor in making or breaking whether a horror movie is actually scary: the chase.

I love slasher flicks, but seeing a large cast systematically knocked off (like in Friday the 13th) isn't as scary as watching one lone survivor try to escape a truly messed up situation involving a transgendered, mask-of-flesh-wearing, chainsaw-wielding maniac (like in the mother of all horror movies, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre). The chase in The Strangers takes up most of the movie, and most of the movie is very scary. As a matter of fact, I'd say that the movie is entirely scary right up until the chase ends. Then the scary is gone.

So to sum up:

1) Being chased by danger? Scary.
2) Being within an inch of danger and not fully aware of it? Scary.
3) Having been caught and now tied to a chair while someone creates new scar tissue? Not so scary.
4) If you like a good fright in your movie-going, watch The Strangers.
5) Laul Peeland is totally lame.
6) Today's mandate (or bromance, if you prefer) was a success.

i won't be driving anywhere after american gladiators

Last night, the NBA had a thrilling game 7 going on, the NHL had an elimination game the Stanley Cup Playoffs, and Jon Lester tossed a no-hitter. So you can argue it was a great night for sports. So naturally, you know what I was watching?



I think I need help.

By the way, Andi and I have been working on a drinking game to go with American Gladiators. Here's what we have so far. Additions will be made as we think of them. Hoist your beverage of choice and take a drink when...

1. One of the contenders is referred to by their profession rather than their name
2. Wolf mentions smelling or eating someone
3. A contender mentions his/her children
4. Hulk Hogan poses or says "brother"
5. Leila Ali says "okay"
6. The gladiators/contenders signal readiness, but the show cuts to commercial instead of the start of the game
7. The ref signals "false start" / "traveling" when checking contender readiness
8. Titan says something inane
9. Toa sticks his tongue out
10. Hellga is referred to as "The [adjective] Hellga"
11. A female gladiator signals being ready by screaming "Woooo!"
12. A male gladiator signals being ready by grunting
13. The lame play-by-play guy makes a pun

excuse me sir, but i believe that those chickens are malnourished

Some people have words or expressions they wish they could work into their everyday vocabulary. Let's be honest, so do I. I wish I could remember to call things "power rad" or occasionally refer to friends of mine as "Hoss." Heck, just watching Juno and hearing Rainn Wilson say "home skillet" made me want pull "home slice" out of of the vocabulary mothballs and get it into regular use. Unfortunately, I have failed on all fronts.

However, if I want to add little things to my life that involve multiple people, I can charge my friends with the task of helping me incorporate them. Then I can blame them when I fail to properly bring them in. So, my friends, here are things I would like to start doing - preferably in the most public and obnoxious places possible.

This is an oldie, but a goodie. At one point, Ross White and I used this one to celebrate goals at Carolina Hurricanes games. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Hungry Chickens:



Next up, also from Scrubs, I want this call-and-response to happen at least every other day until it gets old. What does come before Part B?

remember how well that gossip show worked out for you, espn?

The good news? At least the Cowboys won't be going to the Super Bowl. The bad news? The line between ESPN and Access Hollywood will continue to blur as I'm quite certain that Sportscenter, Around the Horn, Jim Rome is Burning, Mike and Mike, Pardon the Interruption, and whatever else I'm missing will all take more time talking about what affect Jessica Simpson had on the Cowboys' performance than they will about all of the NHL games played over the weekend combined(the Hurricanes, for the record, blew a lead against the Avs to continue their woeful last few months).

Since I'm clearly a follower, I must also weigh in. All of Dallas had the time off. The whole team. If Romo wasn't on a "sexy, romantic getaway" with Jessica Simpson and her dad(only Jessica Simpson's dad could possibly find chaperoning his daughter's date sexy and romantic...because he's creepy like that...have you ever heard him talk about his daughter's breasts?), he would have been somewhere else not playing football, not watching film, and not studying the play book. Can we please talk about sports now?

i've calmed down enough to try to write about this

Last week, I finally saw Jesus Camp. I'll skip the general outrage over what those people are making my faith into and get to three specific things that still stick with me.

1. When "speaking in tongues," everyone sounded more like they were speaking ComedyWorks/Sportz-styled gibberish. I don't like the idea of making fun of the way that any non-scientologist expresses his or her faith. I suppose quiet reflection and personal prayer aren't for everyone. Yet, whenever I sit in a room full of folks who prefer to express their faith in this manner, it tends to turn into a "my tongues are louder than your tongues" contest. I'm always uncomfortable when someone makes a showy prayer in any language, real or otherwise.

2. The only thing that really surprised me in this movie was how blatantly political some of the "preachers" were. I'm not talking about the crazy anti-choice guy, even. I'm talking about praying for a cardboard cutout of Bush the W(I have doubts about the same camp praying over a William Jefferson Clinton cardboard cutout that way). I'm talking about prayer for the nomination of an evil judge. I'm talking about teaching kids that the dirty liberals want to steal God from them. And I'm talking about how they don't even try to disguise how political it all is. Bad form.

3. The leader of the titular Jesus Camp, while showing all the ways in which she dumbs down the Christian Faith for her campers, basically tells us that her impression is that the young people don't want to think or read; they just want to be told what to do. And here's my main issue. She basically admits that this branch of crazy doesn't encourage any study or thought about that book that they put so much stock in. This is why they think the world is 6,000 years old and that the rapture is more than a plot device for a Kirk Cameron movie. I'd be less concerned, but the idea that people are idiots that won't respond to anything but the simplest message has slimed its way into more than just Pentecostal, Pentecostal Baptist, and Pentecostal Freewill Holiness Baptist churches. It's found its way into the United Methodist church, and that makes me very sad.

If anyone knows how I can take the direction of the church away from these people, I'd be happy to listen.

george, have you even read the Bible?

Once again, I find it easier to let someone else explain why I'm upset with W.



George, I just need to go ahead and point something out to you. You see, George, for all that you believe in private health care, private health care has zero...I repeat ZERO interest in helping anyone. They want to make money. So we can therefore assume that private health care has LESS THAN ZERO interest in helping a child who cannot afford their services.

Of course this isn't your problem, is it George? As far as you're concerned the poor are only poor because they want to be. I might even tune into whack-job right wing talk radio today to see if anyone can explain what "Poor kids first" even means.

In the meantime, there's also this...which is all kinds of entertaining in the face of tragedy.

iConundrum

I go to work with my iPod nowadays. It's a Nano, so it holds a little shy of 1000 songs.

I can't believe how hard it was to narrow the playlist down to just 941 songs. Nine hundred and forty-one. We're not talking about having to pick out my fifteen favorite songs. We're not even talking about having to pick my 15 favorite albums(which, now that I've typed that out loud, might be a more difficult task). Nope. I'm saying I had trouble filling out a list of the top 941 songs I have.

Tough decisions had to be made. Especially when it came down to which dated pop songs would make it onto my work mix. If I only liked them because I find them nostalgically hilarious, they're out. If some part of me deep down actually likes the song, they're in. So "Poison" by Bel Biv DeVoe is out(mostly a favorite dated pop song of mine for the line "never trust a big butt and a smile," which has to be one of the top 10 lines in song history), but "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is in. Don't you dare judge me.

With the playlist set(until I break down and admit that I totally dig Lily Allen and must have some of her songs), I happily set things to shuffle and get cracking on my workday activity. About an hour before lunch every day, I face the same internal struggle.

There is one of my 941 favorite songs that I absolutely have to hear right now. I haven't heard it yet in this cycle of songs, so I know it's waiting to be played eventually. So I look up and see that there are 730 songs left. I face a dilemma. I could just find the song I want to hear, play it, and go about my business. That, however, would violate the sanctity of the shuffle.

The shuffle is important because I want to make it all the way through the playlist without skipping. I must make it through. I'm driven to make it through by the same kind of messed up OCD that makes it okay for me to live in a filthy house as long as my comic books are properly stored and catalogued.

Still, the need to hear The Mountain Goats' cover of "The Sign" consumes me. It's taken me so long to get this far into the shuffle due to my previous need to hear the alternate lyrics version of Guns n' Roses' "Don't Cry" wrecking things last go-around.

Eventually, instant gratification wins. For one shining moment, this song has risen above my other 940 favorite songs. Then comes the realization that I've broken the shuffle yet again.

WIth a sigh, I start over as the count reads "1 of 941" across the top thinking "This time I'm going to make it."

okay, square one was pretty awesome

But I'm mostly upset that I wasn't the one who wrote this song. It's more brilliant now than it was when I was in third grade.